نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره هفت

ستاره آسمون نقش زمینه وای خودم انگشترم یارم نگینه 
خداوندا نگهدار نگین باشه که یار اول و آخر همینه

عشق همینه دیگه. که خودت رو انگشتر ببینی. بی‌ارزش نیستی.‌ اما با معشوقه ارزشمندتری. اصلا تویی که نگین میبینیش و شاید قدر زر زرگر شناسد، قدر گوهر گوهری... 

که بخوای خدا نگهدارش باشه. چه با تو، و چه بی‌تو. من تمرین این رو ندارم. میدونم که وسط جهنمه..‌. شاید به جای اینکه اینقدر دلم برای خودم بسوزه، یه کم باید دوربین رو بچرخونم و امیدوار باشم که حالش خوب شه... بهتر شه.‌‌.‌.

عشق، selfless بودنه.

بلدم؟

نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره شش

فاک یو.

شب تاریک و بیم موج و گردابی چنین هایل 

که عشق آسان نمود اول ولی افتاد مشکل‌ها 

نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره پنج

I'm living one day at a time. One night at a time. The whole day I'm constantly checking my phone for any possible update from you. And dragging the day until midnight. Then I check my daily horoscopes... And boost my hope for another day... And another day... And another...

What have you done to me? You're the most stupid person I've ever seen. And I'm observing - yet again - my most idiotic self I've ever since...

Fuck you. 

نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره چهار

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/04/07/harvard-psychologist-if-you-use-these-phrases-your-relationship-is-more-successful-than-most-couples.html

نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره سه

بیا تعمیر کنیم. بیا تعمیر کنم. بگم بهت که حالا که شستمت و گذاشتمت کنار، حالا که تخریب شخصیت کردمت، حالا که دلم رو شکستی، میای بریم با هم یه قهوه بخوریم؟ میای بریم با هم استانبول؟

بیا بریم. خر. بیا بریم.

نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره دو

https://www.instagram.com/p/CqyOIeVvbX9/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

نامه‌هایی که برایش ننوشتم - شماره یک به توان بینهایت

You're the most stupid person I've ever seen.

And that I love you. 

I've loved you since the very first moment I met you. Since you called me loud and clear in Dupont. And I turned towards you in awe... That you dared to call my name -My name, Negar- in Dupont and how perfectly you pronounced it. Since you hold your hand in front of me to not jump in front of the speeding cars... And by the time we were in Starbucks, I already knew things are different this time. Very different.

And I knew, unlike yourself, that you're not ready. That you're repeating my past. That it will take years for you to move on and get ready.

I know the hell you were going through. The one you're still in. And I know that I don't want any being to go through that. At least not alone.

I offered my help. And you didn't take it seriously.

And for that, you're the most stupid person I ever seen.

I didn't want and don't want anything in return. In my eyes no one deserves to experience that misery. That pain. That suffocation. That drowning. So I help. Not because I want anything in return. I'd help anyone who feels that suffocation, if I can...

And you're stupid for not getting it. To let yourself be alone to carry this weight. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still mad at you. But "there is time for everything..."

So my offer stands. 

And I hope you survive until I feel stable enough to share this letter with you.

Love,

A. N. 

پینوشت. من آرت تراپی دوست دارم. امروز مطمئن شدم که جدی خواهمش گرفت.